God's Doggie Door - A two year cycle ends with this new moon eclipse

Two years ago I started this project. I had finished my reiki training a year before but was too afraid to take clients. I felt like a grifter and a fraud for some reason (the reason is imposter syndrome). Even after the validation of posting my completed first Reiki course on my Instagram story and having an old friend from high school reply "remember when you used to give us reiki on the band bus?". I have known since 2012 that my calling was to "teach knowing" (still figuring that part out) and to use my touch and words to heal.

Two years ago I was living in a big beautiful loft in Downtown Los Angeles. I had moved there on a whim after Covid and the breakup with my "covid boyfriend". I had just quit the salon I was working at so I could sell my car and walk to the little shop 4 blocks away to work. I was so exhausted, so beaten down. My nervous system was absolutely trashed. I had just quit drinking and using tobacco in December of 2022 and all of the things I had avoided my whole life or drank through to survive could no longer be ignore. I think a lot of us went on autopilot during lockdown, but I realized I had been in that state for much longer.

In August of 2024 I found a little live/work artist studio where I thought I could really bring my vision to life. Not only was it haunted, hot, loud, cramped, I just didnt have what I needed to thrive (and was dealing with a slumlord on top of it). I remember a tarot reading from another reader I was listening to at the time and hearing him say "It's like you're going from one cage to another" I laughed so hard I cried. I lasted 5 months, got rid of all of the stuff I had moved to LA with, packed up a Chrysler minivan I rented and headed to Seattle.

Going to Seattle I said "no more hair, I'm going to honor myself, I'm going to honor my body, and my gifts". Then I got scared. I found a chair for rent at a salon, across the street from where I would be staying. Somehow I started a super successful business, just doing curly hair, and felt so great for the first frew months of dopamine until the exhaustion started to hit again.

I always thought certain things were for others and not for me, and there are some things I still feel that way about. Someday I will be vulnerable here about my ideas about relationships, but I always had to be strong, working, earning, paying, working, since I was 15. I did follow my dreams of becoming a hairstylist, and I accomplished every single thing I set out to do professionally. I made it my healing, my profoud art, my contribution, but something was missing.

When I woke up this morning and began to medidate on this Eclipse and this big shift we're all going in to, I was trying to conjur a theme in my mind beyond "the eclipse". The image I got was myself, crouching down and crawling through the doggie door trying to get into the palace of my dreams. My day to day where I'm doing my healing work, where I'm eating 3 regluar meals a day. Where I'm sleeping like a baby. Where I feel worthy of romantic love. The tight squeeze through little door kept me small, coming in the back, afraid of being seen.

This eclipse feels like God (Spirit, the Universe, the Great Mystery, what have you), has taken notice I still keep trying to shove myself through that damn doggie door in the back. It feels like the grand double doors in the front of the palace are opening. When I build myself up instead of keeping myself small, the world gets so much bigger.

Two and a half weeks ago I moved to the place I always wanted to retire in. I'm back near the San Francisco Bay Area, living on my Jupiter line (ask me about astrocartography), stilll scared as shit but feeling more expansive than ever. My hermetic year in Seattle allowed me to listen to myself, to talk to myself, to spend quality time with myself, to reconnect with Nature and see the beauty of this world again.

I am so so curious about how the eclipse is effecting everyone, what's coming up, what has this last two weeks been like for you? Are you on the edge of great change? Has an upheavel of some sort occurred? Please let me know in the comments!

I'm very excited to pull a card and see what Spirit has to tell us today about the eclipse energy.

For today's card pull I am usuaing the Moonology Messages Oracle by Yasmin Boland

(p.s.- I'm writing this, pulling the card, and finishing post all in real time)

The Moon Called - Meant to Be card from the Moonology Messages Oracle by Yasmin Boland

This card is telling us that what we are asking the Universe about right now simply is meant to be. The guidebook expresses that that doesn't mean we sit around and let the Universe deliver our dreams into our lap, but it means that right now conditions are perfect to start the Work. We are constantly creating our own lives, wether passively or actively. Get active! Let the Aries energy of Spring and the closing and sealing of this 2 year "doggie door" close. This eclipse is at the New Moon, it's time to trust and go for it. Trust yourself, trust your heart, trust the world to meet you.

Hopefully, in this last two weeks you were really able to identify and let go of some of those things that are holding you back, the ways we keep ourselves small. If there is still some to release, now is a good time to write about your future self. What are they like? What kind of habits, routines, relationship dynamics do they have in their lives? Are there conditions still now that don't allow the freedom and joy your future self has? Lean into the feeling of being there now. Trust that you deserve it all.

Additional meanings for this card from the guidebook

This is part of your soul's journey, follow your feelings, create the reality you're dreaming of, know that the celestial realms are on your side, the answer is "YES!"

If you have joined me here, I appreciate you so much. I hope these words inspire you to go forth and be GREAT!